The bride called me in tears. She had just put down the phone from talking with her mother, who was livid.
Early on Mother had insisted that her ex-college roommate be invited to the wedding, and so months ago she was sent a “save the date” announcement. Dutifully, the ex-roommate marked it on her calendar. She was also invited to the bridal shower and, although she could not attend, she sent a lovely gift.
As the date grew close Ex-roommate realized that no wedding invitation had arrived, so she gave Mom a call only to find out that she had been “cut” from the invitation list. She had sent a shower gift, she had turned down invitations for other events the same weekend, she had been looking forward to reconnecting with her old friend. She was not a happy camper.
It’s not that she didn’t understand. The groom and the bride had a long list of friends to invite and she was not on their direct friends list. However, it was an unfortunate circumstance and she ended up inconvenienced and with seriously hurt feelings… all of which she expressed to the bride’s mother, who passed the sentiments along to her daughter.
What to do? When she stopped crying, the red-faced bride called the ex-roommate and apologized for not letting her know the circumstances sooner. Then she called her mother and they “talked”.
The take away here is to be super-conscious of who you are inviting (and why). Be aware of the capacity of the room, and your budget, before sending out those “save the date” cards since, once sent, they are hard to retract.
When in doubt, don’t.